1. Finding my true character (telling my friends about my true character)
2. Changing my last name
3. Finishing my book
4. Going to college
5. Raising my little brother
6. Hitting level 80
7. Being able to find somthing to laugh about
8. Being able to write what i really think
9. Finishing this class
10. Finding 10 things im proud of
Im proud that i found my true character in life. before i moved to port neches nobody liked me because of who i was, just some quiet skinny kid the oddball of the school. but once i moved here the first group of people i met i said somthing to make them laugh then i laughed. so for years i have been adding on to my outerself to be the funny guy that everyone can laugh with and at. with this outerself i tried to forget the sad little me inside my head, but the writing we did in this class just seemed to bring back bad memories. my friends see that the only emotion i show is happiness always cheerful. but thats not true whenever nobody is around it is quiet, no laughter only sad lonliness. i have made stupid decisions in my life that are no laughing matter but nobody knows that but me and if anyone finds out i tell them its no big deal i just laughed it off, but saying somthing is different from doing somthing. i wish i could tell my friends how i really am that im not always a cheerful person, that it is just a mask i wear to cover up myself from the outerworld. i dont tell them because everyone has accepted the mask and i dont want to show them my true self out of fear of what they will think. but during this class i have learned more about my innerself through my journals i have learned to accept myself. i have been slowly pushing my innerself out because i accept it and so do my friends, because i have found out we are alike in more ways then we thought.
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Sure, we all like to laugh--but the innerself is what sustains us--and makes us both alike and different from others. I think everyone has a "life of the mind," and it is a rare and true treasure to be able to ever open that part of ourselves up to anyone else, much less in a conistent fashion--which some might define as a sort of emotional intimacy. It's what we long for though, I think, as human beings--the craving to not feel so alone.
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